Happy Home

10242.) I constantly worry about my best friend. I’m scared that one day she’s going to screw up badly. I’d give anything to make her happy. I’d give anything to change everything for her. We may not be as close as we used to be, but I care about her more than anything. I’m so scared that one day she’ll get hurt and I won’t be able to patch things up for her.

I like to pretend these type of secrets are from you. Even though I know they’re not.

12 September 2009 • reblog: blogsecret • voldemort worry friend

patron saint of liars and fakes

I’ve smoked quite a bit. I really want to buy ice cream, comfort food, what have you buttttt money that should have gone to food went to cigarettes. And I recognize that eating my feelings isn’t necessarily the best coping mechanism though GOD do I love the weight going entirely to boobs. I have problems. I know that. I’ve fallen more than once, I will continue to fuck up. The only thing I can do is take it one day at a time or I’ll lose what’s left of my mind.

I’m starting an actual, written journal. Maybe it’ll do me some good.

I talked with Deer extensively last night, and I think it did some good. Scratch that. I know it did. Yes, he’s an asshole. Yes, you can be too. Thus the old moniker, Marine Asshole. I just want someone to be proud of me, one day.

He told me to stop crying. So, I did. I literally lost count today of how many times I wanted to cry, yet refrained. “Should I bite my tongue until blood soaks my shirt?” yeah, is about my state. I dunno if that’s healthy or not. But if I talk to Bellatrix later tonight then yeah I give myself license to cry and smoke as much as I damn well please.

Goodnight world.

I will be waking up if Voldemort or Bellatrix calls, then working tomorrow. Joy of joys.

11 September 2009 • marine asshole voldemort bellatrix deer crying restraint self control

10186.) i hate myself for not having had the courage to pick up the phone when you called me.

(via blogsecret)

::stares pointedly::

11 September 2009 • reblog: blogsecret • voldemort courage coward

10027.) There’s a fine line between caring and worrying. Thank you for caring about me and not worrying. It means a lot to me.

(via blogsecret)

Hmm. I said to someone recently that I worry about him like it’s an Olympic sport. At first it was worrying my head off about him. Then it settled into caring, and knowing he’s not going to get axed just yet. Now it’s a bit of “meh…what happens after THIS?” God and I still aren’t back in a good relationship yet. But if we were, I’d be praying for him. Everyday.

Voldemort, that is, not God.

7 September 2009 • reblog: blogsecret • worry voldemort caring